James (witheringsanity) wrote,
James
witheringsanity

i think i'm depressed.

like, clinically depressed. cause i'm really ok, but i'm not. i'm excited about my job, but i HATE it. i want to make the money, but i loath being there around people. i really was sick last night and this morning, but i think my mind may have actually MADE my body sick so i wouldn't have to leave my house. and when i'm NOT at work, unless someones around i'm just lathargic and feel like i'm losing my mind. like i'll just sit there and stare into space. i'll think about stuff i could do, like play a video game, watch a movie, eat, smoke, etc... but i'll just keep sitting there, with this weird uneasiness washing over me, staring. and if i don't keep my mind busy i start having actual depressive type thoughts, like i'm wasting my life, god the apartment is a mess but i can't bring myself to clean, god i wish i liked my job, god i wish i could stand being around the general pubic and it wasn't so goddam draining and miserable. you know, that kinda shit.

i really do hope we end up moving to TN and i can paint peoples houses and fix their plumbing.. it'd be so nice in comparison to having to deal with people and standing still all day. either that or actually GO to a massage school, which i know will probably never happen. i fail at life, i'm not gonna kid myself about that.

on the plus side i'm completely in love and content with my partner, even if she does things that annoy me sometimes.

and now i have nothing else to say.

goodnight
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