James (witheringsanity) wrote,
James
witheringsanity

dream

so i'm now on the drug zyban to quit smoking. and when people say they've had vivid or strange dreams on this drug they weren't kidding. what very little i can remember of my dream last night went like this:

::NOTE:: when people remember their dreams, they seem to remember a particular part, usually the part right before they wake up, and i am no different. so i will refer to whatever happened leading up to that point (the insignificant details) as the "pre-dream". i will also refer to the point of great significance as the "re-dream", IE the part of the dream i can recall very well.

mmk so the pre-dream lead up to me and a small group of people (maybe 6 or 7) standing in my family's old yard. (the yard is of no significance, nearly every dream i have takes place there or in the house). apparently there was some apacolyspe or something (possibly zombies since there was a feeling of impending danger) and this group of people were survivors, essentially the last people left on earth or at least in the immediate area.

apparently i wished to lead this group, or something, and there was another guy in the group who was up to the same idea. i immediately decided he was a threat and needed to be dealt with.

the re-dream is me deciding to burn this guy alive. i'm facing the group, with the guy in question pacing towards us to the left. i pick up a plastic red gas can. he's coming closer, about to pass between me and the group, and i can see that A: another member of the group is about to warn (or is warning) him about whats coming, and B: i can tell from the look in his eyes that he already knows it. the look in his eyes was not fear or surprise, but more of a "oh yeah? show me what you got..." kinda look.

i lunge the opening of the can towards him, and a moment of panic as i realize there is very little gas left in this can. and then relief, because enough came out to partially soak him. i remember thinking that it was just enough gas on him, and immediately pull out my white plastic bic lighter.

i'm ready to light him up, and we're doing this kind of tense gunslinger walk, cause he knows i could light him on fire, but we both know that he could just grab me and we'd both burn. the gunslinger-type walk only goes on for seconds before he seems frustrated, and asks for the lighter! he's going to light himself! after a moment of hesitation at thinking it may be a trick, i hand him the lighter, which he pretty much snatches out of my hand

he lights himself. the fire is very slight at first, with those kind of yellow and translucent flames lazily wafting over his shirt and jeans. as the fire VERY SLOWLY (and i mean almost un-noticibly) grows, he starts spouting some words and things that sound very much like scripture or some type of ancient rite. i remember that even in the dream i didn't know what it was from. i could hear the words clearly but don't remember a single one of them. whatever they were i recall them being somewhat ominous and sad, something possibly relating to me that i would feel remorse for what i did. while he's saying these words it's as if he doesn't care that he's on fire. it's like a movie scene and there is no reality in it.

and then

fwoosh. he goes up in full flames and RUNS. SCREAMING. this was no longer a movie scene. in the very brief moments as he's passing me and running into my neighbors yard, i can see his hair burning away. i can see his skin burning away. i can see his eyes, full of horror and the realization that he is seconds from death. it scares the shit out of me. he runs. full speed. screaming. screaming very loudly. screams of death and absolute hopelessness and unthinkable pain. he's not running towards anything. he's just running because thats all he CAN do. as soon as he reaches my neighbors garden, which is just a bare area with big clods of dirt and nothing growing, he trips and falls, his burning head smacking against one of the dirt clods, his body spasming as he burns to death. it's a sight of horror and guilt and gut-wrenching fear because i JUST KILLED SOMEONE. and not just killed. BURNED ALIVE.

and then i wake up.

other than the "thank god it was just a dream" and "what the fuck?!" thoughts, the only thing i could really think was that he technically set himself on fire. but even so thats at the very least attempted murder or assisted suicide. just one of those post-dream rationalizations you make so it doesn't seem as bad.

while it was quite disturbing, i really hope i keep having vivid crazy dreams. cause while lighting someone on fire is never something i'd do in real life... all bets are off when i comes to dreaming. whats wrong with experiencing things you'll never do through dreams? i'll never fly, but i've done it many times in my dreams, and love the experience. the same goes for anything else my mind cooks up for me.

goodnight
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